Connection what is it all about?
Do you listen like a rock with ears?
What is your persona, what do you project into the world?
Do you make up stories about people, places or events?
Life positions – Are you ok?
Judgement, pre-conceived ideas and much more!
Jacci is a Psychotherapist who specialises in helping families, parents, and individuals better understand how their thoughts impact their reality, and in doing so, helps change those thoughts to create a better reality.
Jacci now runs a private membership club Living Life Being Human https://livinglifebeinghuman.com with over 30 years of experience in helping people, Jacci has tremendous wisdom to share to help anyone struggling better manage their anxiety, with some of the key points being;
• Understanding how our thoughts shape our reality and how we can better manage this through curiosity
• Parenting and how to better communicate our feelings
• Allowing yourself to be human
• Website: https://jaccijones.co.uk/free-resources/
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I wanted to talk a little bit about connection, I think we’re coming out of lockdown, We’re kind of opening up in the UK, and as I record this, it’s the 27th of April 2021 As I was saying that I was wondering, What if I listened to this back in five years time, where, where will I be, that’s quite an interesting thing I don’t know why that just suddenly flicked through my mind as I was saying that. And, but this is sometimes how, how it works with me when I’m doing these lives or these podcasts. The topic of this is gonna be around connection, and I thought as we’re coming out of lockdown, it might be interesting to just explore the topic of connection, connection with other people, we’ve been quite cocooned articles for for quite a long period of time, probably 12 months ish. Things haven’t been normal whatever normal is in the country that you’re living for me normal was seeing clients face to face in a therapy room being normal was spending time with friends and family sleeping over travelling to go and see them. Lots of things, and for 12 months now, probably over 12 months I’ve not, I’ve not been doing that, things are starting to open up, I have been to see. And my daughter who’s, who’s recently moved away. But how are you feeling about that connection, that maybe you’ve lost with somebody, and making that connection again, and what does it mean to make a connection with another human being, how do we communicate with each other. What’s that relationship about. And I just thought I would explore that for a while. One of the things that we can do as human beings is build up a persona around a person, we kind of make up a story around, you know ourselves who, who am I, who am I going to project into the world and what do I want people to see. But as well as that, what we can do is make up a persona for the other person that we’re connecting with or the other person that we’re communicating with or in a relationship with. It might be that you see yourself as a strong person, and the other person as quite vulnerable, it might be that the opposite, that you see yourself as being quite vulnerable, and the other person as a strong relationship persona in your life. So just, just for a while, whether you do it for a day or a week, just be curious about the stories that you make up about the people around you. Is it.
I wanted to say then a convenient thing is it that the older so we automatically assume that the wiser. Until they get to a certain age, and I was thinking of my mom I’m saying that but then it’s kinda like Yeah, I know my children think I’m losing my marbles now, I think they’ve already looked into nursing homes for me, I’m joking when I say that, but is it because of our perception of them in the job that they have the status that they hold. If they’re a police officer or a social worker or a teacher. Do we automatically feel that the one up towards in our life positions that you know the, they’ve got the status and the education, and they’re better than all so that puts me in a wonderful position from them. And how do I connect with that person if that’s how I feel going into a conversation with them. You know, if, if I feel that I’m above that person which doesn’t often happen, if at all with me. But, you know, do I go in judging the other person, or I’ve got preconceived ideas about what they’re saying, you know, do I go into a conversation, thinking that I’m going to find a solution for them, what, what is that connection and that conversation that I’m having with somebody. One of the things that I try to do is to, to just feel the energy within a connection with somebody sometimes, you know, you get a real positive vibe around somebody instantly as soon as you meet them. You feel like you’ve known them for forever, what’s, what’s that about, how can we be around somebody for a long period of time, you might have a work colleague that you’ve worked with for 10 years, but yeah you don’t feel like you’ve ever made a connection with them you don’t know anything about them personally. They’re quite guarded. What’s that about, and I get curious about conversations and relationships and connections with people. And as I was, I’ve spoken quite a lot this week, on, on wives and conversations with clients about relationships and connections, you know, we’ve all been through an awful lot this past 12 months and it has impacted on on our relationships, there’s certain people that we haven’t seen for a long time, what’s it going to be like when you meet up with them again. Are you gonna have lots of, you know, ideas about how it needs to be it needs to be a wonderful meeting, we need to connect and talk about all the things that we’ve missed we need to it needs to be good, it needs to be positive, it needs to be formed it needs to be exciting. What are your thoughts around that. And just be curious about it how about just going and meeting that person and just being in the moment and see what comes up. Do you need to plan conversations before you have them. Sometimes we we run through things in our mind before the event because, because what because we need to plan for every eventuality because we need to feel like we’re not going to get caught off guard. And if, if we’re going in with a preconceived idea. Does that mean that we’re actually truly connecting with that person, or are we connecting with the persona that we think they are, are we going into that with with preconceived ideas and judgments and comparisons about that person. And is that a real connection. I just thought I would share that with you about is some of my musings around, you know, going back out there in the world and connecting with people and how maybe we can, we can do something different this time around, you know, we can look at not just hearing the words that we communicate with somebody, you know, but look at how, how we project out and how, you know we filter what we receive, do we focus on the words that are being said towards rather than the feeling that we’re getting from that person. You know that. Yeah, just be curious. It’s nice to be in the here and now it’s nice to be neutral, it’s nice to, to not plan a conversation to just see how it goes. How do you feel with with silence is a form of connection, that I’m not sure how I feel about that. I like I like talking. As you can probably tell,
but quiet, can sometimes be a bit unnerving for me. I think there’s something in my, my past and in my, you know, life script that that silence wasn’t good. As a child I can remember needing to fill silence with something because the only always unnerved me a little bit. What’s that about, can I sit in a room without talking to somebody. And what would that feel like for me. So I’m going to commit to just exploring this over the next few days and weeks and see how I communicate with people, whether I have a story about them, whether I have a story about how it’s gonna pan out and the topic of conversation and is it my responsibility to make sure that the other person feels okay and that connection and all those sorts of things. So I invite you to, to just be curious about how you communicate with people how you listen to the other person. And there’s a wonderful chap called Michael Neal, that I follow I’ve done quite a few of his online courses and I do, I do like you know I’m sure I’ve spoken about him in the past, but he says to listen like a rock with ears. I’m not sure what that means. Yeah, I, I’m not sure what that means, feel free to email me Jackie. Jackie Jones code at UK if you know how you can listen, like a rock with ears. Yeah, it befuddled me when I’m ready and it kind of still befuddles me now I’m not sure. I’m not sure how, how that is. But anyway, I shall go Muse over that enjoy this episode if you’ve got any questions, feel free to contact me and I shall be back very soon take care. Thanks for listening to this episode of living life being human podcast, please subscribe on Apple podcasts and leave me a review. And if you got value from this episode please share it so that others can get value from it. You can connect with me on Facebook, Instagram and YouTube at Jackie Jones coaching, or you can visit my website, Jackie jones.co.uk, and click on the free resources tab at the top of the page. For all my free and paid support. Thanks for listening.